The Village Retreat 2019
When I lost Amelia in 2017, I was immediately thrust into multiple types of therapy (psychiatrist with medication + my regular counselor) twice a week and, for two weeks – the world seemed to stop with me, mostly because my husband was home and my family was there with me. However, after the two weeks were over, I went back to work and the world went right back to the way it was before she was gone. I felt paralyzed and so scared. I longed for something; for someone to want to know my story and to relate to me on a genuine level.
Over the course of a year and a half, I felt the Lord tell me to do a retreat. I laughed and journaled all the reasons why I didn’t want to do that: I don’t have time, I don’t have money, no one would come, that doesn’t sound like fun, I’ve never hosted a retreat and so on. I genuinely did not want to do this. However, the feeling wouldn’t stop – it only got stronger and his voice only got louder and more clear.
I decided to bargain with him. I had been at a beautiful house in Florida in 2018 with my family when my sister was supposed to get married (long story but hurricane Michael had different plans and we stayed one night and had to evacuate). I knew this house had the perfect setup and space for what I was visualizing but it was so far away (I’m in NC) and so expensive. I told the Lord I would reach out to the person we had worked with via VRBO to rent the house to see if they would give me a deal and, if they did, I would do the retreat.
I emailed the contact and told her my story and she immediately wrote back and said, “Oh my goodness – you have to do this! And, my family owns the house so I’ll let you rent directly from me so you don’t get charged the VRBO fees!” The retreat was officially born.
I then reached out to an acquaintance at the time – a woman that owned the gym I went to. She had been helping me with some nutrition stuff and I knew she had done yoga retreats. I wanted to pick her brain to help me plan for the retreat. We set up time to talk and ended up talking for two hours about ALL THE THINGS and, by the end of the call, she committed to coming to the retreat to lead yoga/mediation. We’ve been connected daily since that call and still continue to do life (deeply and genuinely) together.
I also called one of my oldest/dearest friends and asked if she would come and help me lead this retreat. I wasn’t sure how I would be during it, let alone if I would be able to lead others. I met this friend over 15 years ago when she was my bible study teacher and we instantly knew we were TN(where I am from)/KY souls. She was instantly IN.
Next up – funding! This part was scary to me as this retreat is not cheap and it’s not meant to be. I put a lot of pride and effort into curating each retreat for the women who are attending. I always envisioned a warm, beautiful space where there were pictures of our dead babies everywhere and their names were everywhere and no one felt uncomfortable about seeing these things. At this time, I was not a formal nonprofit and I didn’t really want to become one for a couple reasons: 1) I didn’t know if anyone would even show up to the first retreat and 2) I didn’t want this to become a “business.” (meaning, if someone left the retreat and started complaining because they didn’t like the food that was served or something like that – it’s not a foodie retreat!)
I decided to do a Facebook page with a launch video and fundraise via GoFundMe. To my surprise (and the Lord laughs again!), I raised almost $10,000 that first year (now, GoFundMe takes A LOT back for fees but it was still an amazing amount and plenty to do the retreat)!
Registration opened on August 8th (as it does every year – the birthday of my great grandmother and icon in my life) and people registered!! Four women registered from FL, AL and TN. I was so happy (and nervous)!
Retreat weekend arrived and three of the women bravely showed up to tell their stories and celebrate their babies. Women who were still in the first year after loss and very raw, and another woman who had lost her daughter close to 20 years earlier and had never talked about it because life didn’t allow her to do so or offer support to her. We laughed, we cried, we shared – we bonded forever.
Bridget, Miles and Journee are forever a part of my life and I know they are in heaven with my Amelia. The last day of the retreat, the women asked, “when and where is the next one?” I hadn’t even thought of that – I thought this might be a “one and done” thing. I knew they were right. The Village of Stillborn Mamas and The Village Retreat were born.
